Soy Un Perdedor*

Author oh, rebecca. Category

Hey guys, I'm a loser!

Chill out.

I have perfectly healthy self-esteem, mostly, even though my life consistently seems to be in the pooper.

I just mean that I physically lose tangible things, far more often than is normal.

Things I've lost recently that I decided needed to be found, at 11 pm on a Tuesday night, in no meaningful order:

•my iPod, missing for months, thereby depriving me of aural pleasure in many situations where it's warranted (zoo, work, car)
•a $75 gift certificate** to a local saddler, which would greatly help in the acquisition of things I need for Gabby Leigh (new half pad, fly spray, new pulling comb) and things I want for Gabby Leigh (new polo wraps - because five sets is not enough, new saddle pad, martingale)
•my car insurance certificate (somehow I have the ones current through 2007 and 2008, but not this year's. Weird.)
•a container with 8-10 DS games and a container with 8-10 GBA games (I gave my DS to a couple of friends, and promised to give them all the games when I found them)
•my last electric bill
•a $10 Target gift card I got for buying two Venus Embrace razors as part of a sale/promotion (Sidenotes: I love the Embrace, and I love sales/promos where I get money for spending money)

Only two of those are seriously pressing, the insurance and the electric bill. But I was honestly more concerned with the iPod and the gift certificate, which I assumed were buried somewhere in the trash caverns of my room and my car, respectively. So I started cleaning, pretty hardcore and heavy duty.

The problem is that I have lots of little hiding places for lots of things - and most of the things I've "misplaced" are little to little-ish things. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that 90% of what I "misplace" ends up as a bookmark in a book I'm reading, and except for the containers of games, everything on this wee list has been used to mark a page, even the iPod. The problem with that is that as a matter of course, I read 6-10 books at a time. And am constantly misplacing the books.

It's a lose lose lose situation. Seriously.

After poring and probing, searching and scouring, I crossed off two point five items on my list: the iPod***, the Target gift card, and the container of GBA games. That leaves three point five items needing to be found! I don't have time for these hijinks! I need that saint guy! I need three point five miracles, post-haste!

But I have a serious problem with his hair being a part of the process.


Why do I lose things so readily? Why these things? Why can't I have an easier time losing the fifty pounds I'm carrying around like a layer of skin clothing? If I managed to lose that between here and the car, I wouldn't be too upset about it. I might conduct a cursory and perfunctory search, but shrug and move on with my life. Not so with my List of Things Recently Lost.

I googled for a saint of weight loss; there is none. There should be! From Saints.SQPN.com, I got the response: "I have no documentation of any saint or beati who has been "assigned" to this topic, or around whom a popular devotion has developed. Related areas are: temptations, against."

NO! I don't care about temptations. I can somewhat handle that sorta almost on my own. I want there to be a saint that I pray to who magically takes a few pounds off of me at a time with no work on my part. Is there a saint without devotion that needs a following? Or one who has a really lame devotion? Time to break out my book of saints and find a worthy candidate. (If I manage to lose these fifty forty-five pounds, I offer myself up for consideration!)

This**** is why Catholicism is seriously flawed, and why I'm no longer a Catholic.

(But I am gonna try asking that funny-haired guy to help me find my other stuff.)

*Except only sorta, because I just won a giveaway from a the lovely Jamie's lovely blog! But I'm sure I'll be back to being a loser in no time at all.
**This one absolutely needs to be found soon. It expires around Christmas and it's halfway to Christmas right now!
***iPod was, miraculously, not in the bedroom-shaped trash cavern. It was in my laptop bag the whole time. Months, it was in there. The laptop bag that I take everywhere with me. The laptop bag that has about thirty pockets and compartments too many for me to deal with - another example of this is that today I "lost" my phone for about fifteen minutes - and it too, was hiding in one of the multitudinous pockets of my laptop bag.
****I guess there might be other reasons too.

4 comments:

mylittlebecky said...

best line="i guess there might be other reasons too." hilarious! i have a special place in my heart for catholicism because of my grandmother.

i'm a loser too! and i always have a mini panic attack when i realize something's gone.

oh, rebecca. said...

I'm a lapsed Catholic - and though I find the pomp and circumstance of Catholicism fascinating, I'm just not that religious/spiritual. Too much effort for me! haha.

Oh lordy, the panic attacks. I turn into a screeching, hyperventilating she-devil when I lose something. The dog, he runs and hides. I'm *that* scary!

Shaylen Maxwell said...

"I physically lose tangible things, far more often than is normal."

LOL! I so understand!!

I just lost my can of coke zero. One distraction, set it down, somewhere, and poof, gone. I still can't find it. And that's not even something of importance. I try not to ask for gift certificates anymore (despite needing them) because I lose them and they expire. I feel for you. : )

Angela Ficorelli said...

hah I am also a loser. I can come home from lunch and lose my keys within 30 seconds! it amazes me. The only time I get mad about it, is if looking for the object (my keys) makes me late for something. Then I shout and slam doors and such :)

In college, my losing was soooo terrible that I started documenting everything that I lost. I wanted to chart out my losing patterns to see if there was anything interesting. It was a tiny book that I kept with me, marking all kinds of data when I lost something, where I saw it last, etc. I filled out so many pages! but, I inevitably lost it...

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