Hey guys, I'm a loser!
I have perfectly healthy self-esteem, mostly, even though my life consistently seems to be in the pooper.
I just mean that I physically lose tangible things, far more often than is normal.
Things I've lost recently that I decided needed to be found, at 11 pm on a Tuesday night, in no meaningful order:
•my iPod, missing for months, thereby depriving me of aural pleasure in many situations where it's warranted (zoo, work, car)
•a $75 gift certificate** to a local saddler, which would greatly help in the acquisition of things I need for Gabby Leigh (new half pad, fly spray, new pulling comb) and things I want for Gabby Leigh (new polo wraps - because five sets is not enough, new saddle pad, martingale)
•my car insurance certificate (somehow I have the ones current through 2007 and 2008, but not this year's. Weird.)
•a container with 8-10 DS games and a container with 8-10 GBA games (I gave my DS to a couple of friends, and promised to give them all the games when I found them)
•my last electric bill
•a $10 Target gift card I got for buying two Venus Embrace razors as part of a sale/promotion (Sidenotes: I love the Embrace, and I love sales/promos where I get money for spending money)
Only two of those are seriously pressing, the insurance and the electric bill. But I was honestly more concerned with the iPod and the gift certificate, which I assumed were buried somewhere in the trash caverns of my room and my car, respectively. So I started cleaning, pretty hardcore and heavy duty.
The problem is that I have lots of little hiding places for lots of things - and most of the things I've "misplaced" are little to little-ish things. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that 90% of what I "misplace" ends up as a bookmark in a book I'm reading, and except for the containers of games, everything on this wee list has been used to mark a page, even the iPod. The problem with that is that as a matter of course, I read 6-10 books at a time. And am constantly misplacing the books.
It's a lose lose lose situation. Seriously.
After poring and probing, searching and scouring, I crossed off two point five items on my list: the iPod***, the Target gift card, and the container of GBA games. That leaves three point five items needing to be found! I don't have time for these hijinks! I need that saint guy! I need three point five miracles, post-haste!
Why do I lose things so readily? Why these things? Why can't I have an easier time losing the fifty pounds I'm carrying around like a layer of skin clothing? If I managed to lose that between here and the car, I wouldn't be too upset about it. I might conduct a cursory and perfunctory search, but shrug and move on with my life. Not so with my List of Things Recently Lost.
I googled for a saint of weight loss; there is none. There should be! From Saints.SQPN.com, I got the response: "I have no documentation of any saint or beati who has been "assigned" to this topic, or around whom a popular devotion has developed. Related areas are: temptations, against."
NO! I don't care about temptations. I can somewhat handle that sorta almost on my own. I want there to be a saint that I pray to who magically takes a few pounds off of me at a time with no work on my part. Is there a saint without devotion that needs a following? Or one who has a really lame devotion? Time to break out my book of saints and find a worthy candidate. (If I manage to lose these
This**** is why Catholicism is seriously flawed, and why I'm no longer a Catholic.
(But I am gonna try asking that funny-haired guy to help me find my other stuff.)
*Except only sorta, because I just won a giveaway from a the lovely Jamie's lovely blog! But I'm sure I'll be back to being a loser in no time at all.
**This one absolutely needs to be found soon. It expires around Christmas and it's halfway to Christmas right now!
***iPod was, miraculously, not in the bedroom-shaped trash cavern. It was in my laptop bag the whole time. Months, it was in there. The laptop bag that I take everywhere with me. The laptop bag that has about thirty pockets and compartments too many for me to deal with - another example of this is that today I "lost" my phone for about fifteen minutes - and it too, was hiding in one of the multitudinous pockets of my laptop bag.
****I guess there might be other reasons too.